Former Deputy Prime Minister and families man Barnaby Joyce has announced he will be taking a week of paid leave this week to re-evaluate his life choices and reconnect with the footpath next to the planter box.

This decision was made after discussions with the Nationals Party leader in order to try find the best way to pretend he is being held accountable for his actions.

“I’ve decided to take a break from my duties in Parliament,” said Barnaby on the way to the pub for breakfast, “this is about reconnecting with those who are there for me while I pick my next step. Like the floor where I fell over a step.”

“I am going to miss work but I need to make sacrifices for the good of the Australian public. But man, an entire week without access to the free booze fridges, Prayer Room or junior staffers I can stare at through the window in my office… it’s going to be really hard to step away from all that.”