Devastating news as Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci has immediately regretted announcing his retirement as he has been left unable to afford a regular weekly grocery shop at Woolies.

The poor bloke was seen putting back a bag of veggies after he looked at his bank account and remembered that he will no longer be pulling in the multi-million dollar salary needed to do a full grocery shop in 2024.

“This is outrageous” he screamed after realising the self-checkout machine was watching him like a hawk so he couldn’t say avocados were potatoes, “why are the prices at Woolies so high? How can anyone be expected to afford this? This shouldn’t be allowed!”

The devastating news didn’t just end there as he was also made to hand back his treasured Woolworths uniform after only getting to wear it once during the 4Corners interview.