“Our policies make much more sense when you’re drunk,” explains Nationals MP

The Nationals Party have begun protesting outside of Parliament House against a proposal from independent MPs that would see the requirement of elected officials to actually remain sober while voting on laws that impact the entire nation.

The protest reportedly started after party officials were ‘barred’ from entering Parliament House by their drunken inability to figure out how to open the doors, following a quick ‘brunch meeting’ at the pub.

“This madness must not happen,” said the leader of the party while staring at a wall, “the push to ban politicians from getting… ahhh.. drunk… no not drunk, we aren’t ahhh drunk. You’re drunk. I want to dance let’s dance.”

“Alcohol is an important part of the demo- democ- demmacry project thingy. Without it, our policies make no sense. A sober person wouldn’t say that solar panels are to blame for a coal power plant being disconnected due to a storm. But we will happily tweet that while laying a gutter before voting. And that is what makes us…. fucking legends. Everyone now, here’s to Barnaby he’s true blue…”

Following the protests, some members of the Liberal Party and the Labor party put out a joint statement slamming the idea of breathalysers in Parliament, “what not being allowed to get smashed at work? That sets up a terrifying slippery slope. What next, no sexual harassment of junior employees, banning the use of illegal hard drugs or setting up a HR department? You can’t expect anyone on over $200k a year to work under those conditions!”

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