Scott Morrison has today strongly denied that he ever opposed a royal commission into the banking industry, suggesting that any time he may have sounded like he was against it, he actually had his fingers crossed behind his back. With statements such as calling the proposal for a banking royal commission in 2016 a “populist whinge”, and accusing Bill Shorten of playing “political games” by proposing the commission, Mr Morrison certainly made it look like he thought the commission was a bad idea, and when pressed on the issue Morrison said “ha ha, made you look you dirty chook.”
“We at the Liberal party have always upheld the rules that if you cross your fingers while saying something you definitely don’t mean it”, said Morrison during Question Time today. “Just look throughout recent history – providing an NBN service that is cheaper and more effective than the Labor plan? Fingers crossed! Providing stable government that wouldn’t have the knifing and political back stabbing that encapsulated the labor party? Fingers crossed! Being a broad church of ideologies that isn’t dominated by political factions? You guessed it! Fingers crossed!”
“Also that time we said we’d give preferences to One Nation then had to furiously backpedal. Actually, no wait that one was gingers crossed.”
Political analysts have been rocked by this lack of transparency on party policy, with one analyst Joe Greenstone stating “This revelation of Liberal party policy, to not actually mean the things you say, would surely lead to some sort of lack of trust in its leaders, something that might mean they could start to lost some two party preferred polls, or even 30 in a row.”
Asked about sliding confidence in his party, and specifically his leader Mr Morrison stated “I unequivocally back the leadership of Malcolm Turnbull, and can assure you that me and the rest of the party caucus are 100% behind him, and there will be no more leadership spills within this party.”
Mr Morrison was seen moving his right hand behind his back and smirking as he made his parting statement.
The Chaser Quarterly