After yet another confusing press conference by NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian, Sky News host Peta Credlin has conveniently decided to dedicate a portion of her show to clarify some questions that Sydney residents have been left with.
“This is not a lockdown!” she said in a brief break from her regular racist rants. “Lockdowns are when Labor does it, Sydney is just being covid safe. It is responsible leadership and I for one am sick of seeing people attacking her with things they are simply just making up, like this ridiculous notion that the public should be able to understand the figures she keeps saying, we should just trust them.”
“See, unlike that ruthless monster disguised as a human Dictator Dan and his power hungry plays at mind control over Melbourne residents blinded by their Stockholm syndrome, Generous Gladys has decided to just keep everyone safe by not potentially exposing residents to this deadly virus. It’s sort of like a giant game of Hide and Seek and covid is the seeker. ”
“This is a high pressure situation and she is trying her best and listening to experts, we should be commending her for that. Unlike Dipshit Dan who listened doctors instead of AFL stars, journalists who created our own statistics and Dave Hughes, disgusting! Remember Sydney wouldn’t even need to stay home if Demon Dan didn’t team up with the Chinese government to create this bio weapon in the first place! If you compare the two you can tell why one of them needed their backbone fixed.”
If you enjoyed this article, consider becoming a contributor to the Chaser Beer Fund. For just $7 a month you can help us employ 20 more interns.