Sky News apologise for racism and reassure fans “it will happen again”

Self-alleged ‘news’ organisation and team up of store-brand Bond villains, Sky News has yet again come under fire for racism, this time after one of their hosts slang dirt at a Black teen in the hopes to rile up racists.

In a seemingly fortnightly occurrence, the Sky News PR team have put out a statement online in order to ‘apologise’ for the racist comments and strive to ‘improve’ in the future.

“It has come to our attention that blaming all of Australia’s problems on ethnic groups can be construed by the cry-baby leftists as ‘racism’. IF any snowflakes are offended by our vilification of people for the colour of their skin, we apologise that YOU took offense. To our loyal fans who once again see nothing wrong with what we say, we too apologise for the lack of slurs used in the piece as our ‘political correctness’ definitely went too far. We truly understand it can be very difficult to know which race to hate when we are using the words you are used to associating with them. We promise to everyone reading this we will definitely ‘improve’ on this in the future, and with presenters like Andrew Bolt, Peta Credlin and Rowan Dean you can be sure this won’t be the last you hear about society’s unjust persecution of white people just because they said ‘racist’ things.”

Attached to the original statement, the PR team also put out a statement labelled ‘For Future reference/controversies’:

“To whom it may concern,”

“This is in regards to the recent segment presented by [insert host name here] and [his/her] comments that [insert marginalised group here] are [insert allegation here] and that these actions are ruining Australia. [Host Name] and Sky News now know that those comments were inaccurate and also have been seen by many as offensive, we apologise if we offended anyone during that broadcast.”

“We have spoken to the host and will work to improve in the future however [he/she] will not be fired at this time because we think a chat will be punishment enough despite their history, but again we swear we are committed to change. This sincere statement was of course brought to you by our wonderful sponsors at BHP, Commonwealth Bank, Harvey Norman and Westpac, they always have our backs no matter what we do!”

According to News Corp polling data, many Australians have taken comfort in these statements by Sky News and believe that there will be positive change. So good news, we can all sleep easier knowing something repulsive like this will never happen on Sky News ever again and that this article won’t be relevant again any time soon.

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