General News
“If casual workers didn’t save for a crisis they should just use their trust fund” says Attorney General

Attorney General and Union arch-nemesis Christian Porter has come under fire today with people alleging he has lost touch with regular Australians, after saying that the government shouldn’t need to support casual workers who have been self-quarantined because they all should have enough saved up. However, some may argue he has not lost touch with regular Australians because that would require for him to have been ‘in touch’ with regular people at some point in his life.

We reached out to Mr Porter to give him a chance to defend himself in hopes to keep our offices safe from any upcoming AFP raids. He agreed to the interview as long as the article doesn’t support the freedoms of those he disagrees with.

“I am just a normal person,” Mr Porter said, “and I do sympathise with the struggles of those peasants doing it rough. I was told by a member of my staff that there are some people who claim they have to work casual jobs because ‘it’s their only choice’, how crazy is that? Why would you work causal hours if you can’t afford to take a fortnight off out of the blue? There is an easy but effective solution to this issue if causal workers didn’t save up for the crisis they can just use their trust fund.”

The savings expert and self-proclaimed everyman than offered up some of his helpful tips to save some extra cash, “With the economy how it is we all need to make sacrifices you know. I for one had to cut the hours that the help is working at my house, she has been with us for years and is like a part of the family, whatever her name is. Also, maybe instead of buying your normal bottles of water, just buy normal Voss water. If you are really desperate maybe take the money you have been saving for other things like the yacht or upgrading to the larger Gazebo and use that money on necessities.”

In response to all the backlash, Christian Porter informed us he plans to add protections to those who believe ‘the rich are just better people than the peasants’ to the controversial Religious Freedom Bill. “The bill is to protect those who believe what I believe and want to freely make others fell like the lesser beings they are, so it was only logical.”


Share this story: