Abuse shelter relocates to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding

Following the government’s much anticipated national cabinet announcement on combatting male violence, a local abuse shelter has decided to pack up shop and relocate to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding.

“Clearly we need to learn to play the game,” said the overworked and underfunded volunteers, “everyone was saying to give frontline services money but the government decided not to. So we decided to adapt to fit this government’s priorities.”

“So now we are called the Gina Rinehart Home for Women Destroying The Planet. Seems like the kind of name the government would throw money at.”

“We would have moved to a nuclear submarine but the people we are trying to house need immediate support, despite what the government seems to think.”

Following the move, the shelter immediately received a billion dollars from this year’s budget.