World

Biden condemned political violence in all forms saying there is no place for that in the year 1912.

“No one who actually has a uterus should be allowed to make that choice for themselves, but luckily at this point we doubt one will ever become president.”

Adorably, little Jimmy has already begun practicing for the job by dressing up in suits and mumbling incoherent thoughts about how he is the bestest person ever.

The debate focused on the most important issues like if Biden is secretly Palestinian and which of the two has the better golf swing.

Melania Trump has declined to comment from her temporary residence at Pete Davidson’s house.

“What sort of dangerous message does this send to all the other powerful white collar criminals who are looking on at home coked out of their minds?”

The US government have announced that they will be the offical sponsors of the course.

“These young people are so out of touch that they don’t know the struggle of your servant bringing the wrong caviar, but maybe going to war can fix that”

If things escalate further, Wong may even consider saying ‘knock it off’ when supplying the next weapons shipment.

“Our babies have been crying for 200 days and all the comedians have been disrupted in that time.”