National

The Big Four banks have rushed to appoint a lead counsel to represent them in the Royal Commission into the Banking and Finance Industry announced earlier today. The banks will be represented by lawyer Malcolm Turnbull, a Rhodes Scholar who has law degrees from Sydney and Oxford Universities. Mr Turnbull also spent many years as…

Australians around the world breathed sigh of relieve this morning when it was revealed that the number of dickheads has slumped below five million, in what is widely considered a first. The figures, released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, show that there are now just 4,873,987 dickheads in Australia. In a surprise result, Queensland is…

Josh Frydenburg has mounted a robust defence of families fleeing persecution coming to Australia as long as they’re in his family. The comments come after it was revealed that Frydenburg’s mum fled persecution from Hungary in 1943, during Nazi occupation. “This has brought up a very sensitive series of events for my family. They were…

He was careful not to speak too loud in case any rural Liberal voters could hear him.

They also warned of a sharp increase in the consumption of haggis

“That should do it.”

Despite no-one ever suggesting that Sharia law be introduced into Australia, no-one supporting the idea, and no politician ever mentioning it, the campaigner believes it’s only a matter of time.

Mamma Mia! What an accusation!

“Dem orange monkey gonna be our nex premier”

“It’s saved us money and time!”