National

“It’s saved us money and time!”

“Until those idiots in Canberra fix this loophole, we’d be stupid not to exploit it.”

Immigrants will also be required to speak the language of Sydney property prices before they can become full citizens.

The changes — which come in today — mean that employers will be forced to redo any paperwork they were in the process of completing.

It is with deep regret that I write to you today to announce that we will be ending our long-running satirical project, Mark Latham, effective immediately.

The SES has been sending constant updates of information and support, which have been retweeted by thousands of people unaffected by the massive Cyclone Debbie.

“Islam has been infecting our children one Halal snack pack at a time”

“I can’t believe she doesn’t own her own house and have at least one negatively geared investment property.”

“This is typical of gays, wanting to force their agenda about what they want to do with their own lives, onto straight people. They should leave that up to straight people. We’re the experts at that.”

Following the success of his NBN plan, Malcolm Turnbull has unveiled plans to take on the electricity market. Under the new scheme, he would take the existing Snowy Rivers Hydro-Electricity scheme, and then inexplicably ruin it.