National

The SES has been sending constant updates of information and support, which have been retweeted by thousands of people unaffected by the massive Cyclone Debbie.

“Islam has been infecting our children one Halal snack pack at a time”

“I can’t believe she doesn’t own her own house and have at least one negatively geared investment property.”

“This is typical of gays, wanting to force their agenda about what they want to do with their own lives, onto straight people. They should leave that up to straight people. We’re the experts at that.”

Following the success of his NBN plan, Malcolm Turnbull has unveiled plans to take on the electricity market. Under the new scheme, he would take the existing Snowy Rivers Hydro-Electricity scheme, and then inexplicably ruin it.

Luckily, Cash managed to remember to negatively gear the property immediately, even while forgetting that she’d even bought the property.

“Maybe we’re joking, maybe we’ve completely lost touch with how activism works – but it’s definitely not about being desperate for attention.”

Former NSW Premier Mike Baird has enthusiastically accepted a job at the National Australia Bank as chief customer officer, in order to spend less time with his family. Baird has reported an exhausting five weeks spending quality time with his children. According to Lucy Baird his eldest daughter, Baird’s return has polled terribly amongst the family,…

“If I’m given as second chance as PM, I’ll stop the boats, cut the waste, and knight Queen Elizabeth II”

Local café owner Brent Morrow is this morning jubilant after the Fair Work Commission scrapped penalty rates which he’d never adhered to and never planned to adhere to. Morrow told staff this morning that the FWC decision was a vindication of his decision to underpay his workers in the first place. He is planning to use the decision…