General News
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General News
Bruce Lehrmann agrees to pay hundreds of dollars for Peter FitzSimons oat matcha lattés during trial period
“I understand why I need to pay this,” said Lehrmann, “I mean I am no stranger to stimulants myself.”
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General News
Scott Morrison becomes relatable to nation after revealing that he was anxious as fuck thanks to Scott Morrison’s prime ministership
“I had no idea that other people felt the same way as me for once,” said Morrison
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General News
Morrison wishes people understood how stressful it is to be the Finance Minister, Home Affairs Minister, Minister for Social Services and Health Minister
Former Ministers Scott Morrison has called for sympathy for mental health issues after revealing all the lies he told as PM gave him anxiety. “Mental health is so important if you’re white,” he stated solemnly at a press conference. “Anyone you know could secretly be five cabinet ministers and that sort of thing takes a…
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General News
Tearful Bruce Lehrmann forced to sell Karaoke machine to pay legal fees
Other items for sale include a Channel 7 pass, a frequent customer card to a ‘massage’ place and a collection of empty baggies.
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General News
The ‘Daily Mail of political commentators’ joins the Daily Mail
The Daily Mail Australia has announced they have hired a new political editor in Christian Porter’s former PR Manager Peter van Onselen. “On a macro level, he will fit in perfectly here,” said another Daily Mail editor, “but on a micro level, when it comes to defending powerful men and telling women to smile more,…
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General News
Disappointed cocaine dealer cancels plans to buy a yacht following Lehrmann ruling
“There goes the plans for the Karaoke bar”
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General News
Bruce Lehrmann achieves goal of losing title of ‘alleged rapist’
In a way this is what he wanted
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General News
Cancer announces new book “If I Did It”
Cancer has denied killing NFL star OJ Simpson, but will be writing a book about how it would have killed him.
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General News
Hubbl ads quickly becoming the worst thing the Murdoch family has ever done
We need a Royal Commission into Murdoch that focuses on stopping the ads.
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General News
Daily Mail editor enthusiastically copies and pastes Channel 7’s expense account rules
“Finally, I won’t have to pay for all the cocaine myself.”