For the first time ever the gender pay gap at many of Australia’s top employers have been released, just in time for International Women’s Day. While the numbers are shocking, we at The Chaser have a simple, practical solution for the pay gap: female workers eating enough of those condescending IWD cupcakes to eliminate the gap all together.

While the average employer will likely be allocating roughly 81% of a cupcake to every female employee on the day, we have figured out *roughly* how many cupcakes women would need to eat at their job or in their industry to make up for the gender pay gap.

These rough figures will be based on the figures shared for median pay by industry for men vs the median pay by women, divided by an estimated cost of $2.50 per cupcake (assuming that your company is buying them from a bakery and not just forcing their female workers to do some unpaid labour). With certain companies getting specific shout outs based on their pay gap vs the median pay in their industry.

Transport, Postal and Warehouse Industry:

The average female worker in this industry just needs to eat an estimated 8,000 of those delicious cupcakes this year to make up for the gap between their median pay and the median pay of men in their industry.

However specific shout out need to go to the women who work at the major airlines as they are going to need to be even hungrier at the IWD morning tea. With the approximate breakdowns per airline (assuming they pay around the industry median being):

QANTAS: 14,800 cupcakes

VIRGIN: 16,680 cupcakes

JETSTAR: 17,480 cupcakes

Make sure to eat those up quick before management cancels the cupcakes on you last minute and you have to reschedule them.

Financial and Insurance Industry:

The industry of money and planning, surely they would know better than to have a large pay-gap right? Well the average female worker there will need to eat 14,000 cupcakes next Friday during brunch to make up the difference. So if you work at a bank or insurance company, maybe skip breakfast that day.

For the biggest employers in the industry here are the stats:

NAB: 10,528 cupcakes

Westpac: 15,960 cupcakes

Commonwealth Bank: 16,744 cupcakes

Medibank: 10,808 cupcakes

BUPA: 18,872 cupcakes

If you work in the industry, make it a fun little race by calling your work’s support line and seeing if you can eat all those cupcakes while you wait on hold.

Retail Industry:

The retail industry is where the number of cupcakes plummets, because their underpaying of workers is far more across the board. With our estimated industry wide cupcake consumption being at around 2000 cupcakes. Which is something workers should take advantage of because right now most retail workers probably can’t even afford to buy 2 cupcakes let alone 2,000.

The retail breakdowns by company as follows:

Woolworths: 1,596 cupcakes

Coles: 1,568 cupcakes

Aldi: 1,484 cupcakes

Pandora: 14,644 cupcakes

City Chic: 11,844 cupcakes

If you a woman who works at Pandora you can swap out the cupcakes for the cupcake charms you sell to drastically reduce the number you need to eat, because a 52.3% median pay gap is a lot of ground to catch up.

Mining Industry:

The mining industry has the blessing of being the highest median earner of the bunch, with women and men earning more than any other industry. The industry wide figure for cupcake required is roughly 10,000 cupcakes.

The specific employer breakdowns are as follows:

Shell: 8,120 cupcakes

Rio Tinto:  9,540 cupcakes

BHP: 14,210 cupcakes

Woodside: 21,140 cupcakes

If anyone in this industry feels awkward about eating that many cupcakes, just remember that you pay tax and the bosses who bought the cupcakes earn unbelievably more than you do without doing any of the hard work and don’t pay tax. So you are doing the country a favour by fighting back.

Everyone else:

If you want to know more about your specific company, check out the offical stats and do the math yourself or just assume that you are owed more than the fucking cupcakes you are being given on International Women’s Day so you can just take them all.

Editorial Warning: Our lawyers and mathematicians want us to make it clear that these numbers are approximations made by comedians and are not verified by smart people. 

Doctor Warning: Healthcare professionals do not recommend eating thousands of cupcakes out of revenge in one sitting. Although that could just be that they want the cupcakes all to themselves.