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US Defence Dept reassures Americans: “The President is not in control”

[Edition 46] WASHINGTON D.C., Wednesday: The Secretary of Defence, Mr Donald Rumsfeld has reassured the American people that at no time during the crisis will President George W. Bush be in control.

George W. Bush … been put in a bunker

[Edition 46] WASHINGTON D.C., Wednesday: The Secretary of Defence, Mr Donald Rumsfeld has reassured the American people that at no time during the crisis will President George W. Bush be in control.

“It was pretty close for a moment. When Dick Cheney heard the news he almost had a heart attack, so you can imagine our concern,” said Mr Rumsfeld.

Mr Rumsfeld said that as the United States stood on the brink of a full-scale terrorist war, the government had been forced to mobilise all key public officials to deal with the crisis. But he said Congress had not allocated roles for lesser officials, such as the President.

President Bush, reading from a teleprompt, condemned the attack as “cowardly.” When asked to explain just exactly what was cowardly about a bold suicide mission that strikes at the heart of the greatest military superpower in the history of humankind, Mr Bush paused, then re-condemned the attack as “cowardly”. He later added that his speechwriter had not yet had time to consider the full implications of the attack.