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Disenchanted fan watches ‘Matrix Revolutions’ only twelve times

[Edition 78] SYDNEY, Monday: A self-confessed Matrix geek was so disappointed by the trilogy’s lacklustre conclusion last week that he has sworn to not watch it a thirteenth time. “It became more and more apparent to me every time I saw Revolutions that it wasn’t a patch on the first two Matrixes. By my twelfth viewing, it was painfully clear,” Rob Gooding told the Carrie-Ann Moss Fan Club Gazette. “All of a sudden, I felt foolish to be sitting in the cinema dressed as my twelfth Matrix character in three days, even though I’d slaved over that Q-Ball Gang Member #2 costume for weeks beforehand. That was when I decided to turn in my Agent Smith sunglasses once and for all.”



[Edition 78] SYDNEY, Monday: A self-confessed Matrix geek was so disappointed by the trilogy’s lacklustre conclusion last week that he has sworn to not watch it a thirteenth time. “It became more and more apparent to me every time I saw Revolutions that it wasn’t a patch on the first two Matrixes. By my twelfth viewing, it was painfully clear,” Rob Gooding told the Carrie-Ann Moss Fan Club Gazette. “All of a sudden, I felt foolish to be sitting in the cinema dressed as my twelfth Matrix character in three days, even though I’d slaved over that Q-Ball Gang Member #2 costume for weeks beforehand. That was when I decided to turn in my Agent Smith sunglasses once and for all.”

The decision left the one-time vice-president of the Matrixianados club inconsolable, driving him to a record 78 straight hours playing Enter The Matrix on his PlayStation 2.

Gooding identified the dialogue as particularly weak in the latest instalment, condemning it as “barely worth rote-learning”. Furthermore, he noted that he could “count on two hands” the number of scenes he’d be interested in recreating at his upcoming Matrix role-playing party. “And even in those scenes I’d probably interpret Neo with little enthusiasm,” he said.

Friends counselled Gooding against his change of heart, reminding him that The Oracle prophesied many obstacles along the path to enlightenment, yet he remains unmoved. “Wasn’t it Morpheus who said at the 28 minute 31 second mark of The Matrix that you must believe in yourself? I think you’ll find it was.”

But Gooding knew he’d made the right decision after barely sustaining three hours of banter on his favourite chatroom The Chatrix about the definitive navigator of the Nebuchadnezzar. “Obviously I’ll continue to collect Matrix Revolutions dolls, posters, clothing, comics, stationery, mousepads, bedding, wallpaper and toothbrushes – they’re great investments,” he said. “But I’m drawing the line at novelty cups, I’m out of the game now.”