Coles announces new series ‘Feed your family for under $1,000’

Billion dollar grocery conglomerate Coles has brandished a new marketing campaign aimed at the modern Australian family.

“We know Aussies are doing it tough right now, and we thought we’d help them shop a little bit smarter, so we’re going to show YOU how you can feed your family of four, for just under $1000,” announced Curtis Stone in the first of many, many, many televised ads.

“By just purchasing a wilted head of cauliflower, an unripe pomegranate, a mostly air filled bag of spinach and a 2 year old can of lentils, you can give your family a tasty, healthy meal for just $899.99” beamed Curtis. “Best of all you can also earn up to six flybuys points, only at Coles!”

The series to be shown on free-to-air television is aimed to ensure shoppers ‘Take their mind off the fact that our prices have surged 20% in under a year and instead focus on what matters, like choosing Coles to shop at,” said Coles in a statement.

“We want to make sure, even though we are blaming everyone else for our price gouging and corporate profiteering, people still think they’re getting a better deal than Woolworths. That’s why we’ve got a trusted name in Australian television speaking about it like its normal – it worked a treat last time.”

Coles have announced further deals to help with cost of living, such as  4 cents per litre off petrol with any purchase over $500 and “AfterLifePay” a new system that allows customers to pay off their grocery bill in instalments that keep coming, even after the customer has died.

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