In news that has shocked every person in the country, annual music festival Splendour In The Grass has been cancelled this year after for some reason young people didn’t feel like spending hundreds of dollars to go during a cost of living crisis.

Like many other festivals this year, Splendour was called off in devastating news for drug dealers and trust fund kids who refer to themselves as ‘a bloodly legend’. For those communities, the event was the closest thing they have to a religious holiday.

“Sacrifices had to be made,” said Jeremy aged 26, “”it was a tough choice between paying a month’s worth of rent or seeing what are they called? Arcane Fire? Arcade Fire? I don’t know.”

Many took to social media to show their anger at the festival being cancelled, before clarifying that they aren’t angry enough that they would actually buy tickets to attend it if it still went ahead.