RBA Boss and recently crowned ‘most hated fuckwit in Australia’, Philip Lowe has made another condescending announcement today urging anyone who is struggling with the cost of living crisis to simply consider working harder, preferably at a cushy high paying job like being the governor of the Reserve Bank.
“If interest rate rises are getting you down just become a governor of a bank,” said Lowe, “not only do you become a millionaire but you get a special low interest rate on your mansion loans meaning you aren’t affected by the rate rises you cause. It’s a perfect solution!”
“Honestly if you are struggling with my goal of causing a recession, that’s your fault. All you greedy struggling renters and families, have you guys even considered renting out a spare room? I assume we all have at least 5 spare rooms right?”
“Our main concern is the mum and pop investors in the top 1% of earners who own 1/4 of all the properties in this country. If we don’t help them out they won’t be able to afford their yachts that run on caviar, where else am I meant to party?”
In response, millions of Aussies have put their hands up offering to take up the role of being Reserve Bank governor, with many saying that even if they don’t get the job they would be happy settling for it going to anyone who isn’t Philip Lowe.