Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has surprised his friend, professional ranting bigot Kyle Sandilands, by giving him the traditional brand new stadium as a gift to celebrate his wedding.
“I just love weddings,” said the PM, “they are my top priority, well weddings and footy. Basically anywhere I can hang out with my rich mates who have done awful things and get a good photo-op in.”
The PM said he kept the gift a surprise by choosing something that wasn’t on the gift registry, “no one asked for this to be brought and my experts said to just get them what they said they need but I thought that taxpayers would be thrilled to chip in for something fun.”
“You know growing up, my mum didn’t own a footy field, so I know what battlers like Kyle are going through and I wanted to help him out. But don’t worry, we will make sure it has top of the line security so no homeless people try to sneak in.”
Sandilands told reporters that he was thrilled by the gift, “It was overwhelming to see the Prime Minister care so much about helping rich white guys like me, you know we are way more marginalised than those… (The rest of the statement cannot be repeated due his listing of every slur he knows)”