“If Brittany Higgins wanted our sympathy she should have committed war crimes”, says News Corp columnist

Columnists for the global media cabal known as ‘News Corp’ have slammed former parliamentary staffer turned activist Brittany Higgins, saying that if she wanted sympathy she shouldn’t have been a woman reporting an alleged sexual insult, and instead been a man committing war crimes.

“She should be ashamed of herself” wrote one columnist in their 20th article about her today, “wanting support and justice? How dare she! She has not killed nearly enough civilians to earn any sympathy.”

“It is extremely suspicious that she handed over her devices when the police asked instead of pouring lighter fluid on it and setting it on fire. We ask you, what was she trying to hide by willingly handing over the information?”

“We have gone through her phones and medical records, and we can reveal that she has had mental health issues. What could have possibly caused that? It just makes no sense and we won’t leave her alone until we find out.”

“Clearly she is just crazy unlike the heroic Ben Roberts-Smith, who deserves all the support he can get while he deals with the trauma of barely being held responsible for his actions. Poor guy, he barely has the mental energy to do a leggy anymore.”

An editor for a News Corp tabloid told The Chaser that they hope their reporting, “sends a clear message to all victims out there to please stay silent. That is the case whether you are a victim of sexual violence or getting kicked off a cliff while handcuffed, then shot. Leave the powerful alone you monsters.”

Not to be outdone, The Daily Mail also released a statement confirming their commitment to stalking and harassing anyone who speaks out against sexual violence, while also writing pieces about how hot war criminals look with close up shots of their abs.

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