National
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National
Queensland’s ‘Smart State’ title revoked for holding election during pandemic
Also it was never true
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National
Morrison decides to use to novelty oversized prop to make people take him more seriously
“Now that he’s used a novelty over-sized prop, I realise the gravity of the situation,” coughed one finance executive.
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National
Family Pet forced to rein in all-day humping now humans are home
FRENCH Bulldog Ignatius III, who had been living a life of hedonistic luxury in his Gold Coast apartment for the past three years, has been suddenly confronted by the need to curb his rampant dry-humping habits now that he has to share his personal space with his family of four. “I didn’t even realise I…
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National
Parliament to close for five months so Morrison can take a well-earned break
“I really need a bit of me time.”
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National
Morrison issues crystal clear guidance: “Stay at home except for the following 500 different things”
An angry Mr Morrison blamed people for being confused.
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National
Minister apologises for failing to anticipate the popularity of free money
“Who knew that Australians would want $750 for free?”
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National
Government unveils plan to confuse people so much they don’t worry about the crisis anymore
“I haven’t felt this serene in weeks.”
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National
Morrison gets cruiseliner trophy for his desk which reads “I didn’t stop this”
Mr Morrison said he only dealt harshly with boats when they contained brown, poor people who pose a fictional threat.
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National
Qantas offers to give the 20,000 workers it laid off its spare fleet of 737 Max planes
“Frankly, laying off 20,000 workers moments after receiving a taxpayer bailout is exactly the sort of thing anyone in the Federal Cabinet would do.”
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National
How dare you buy 2 weeks of food, says govt who told you to buy 2 weeks of food
“This is the most unAustralian thing I’ve ever seen,” said the man who spent much of the bushfire crisis in Hawaii.