National
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National
Morrison double-checks that eviction ban covers Kirribilli House
The ban has been welcomed by people who have a tenuous grip on their place of residence.
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National
PM denies extra assistance to renters, claiming he’s “tough on boarders”
He’s certainly not “tough on borders”.
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National
Government asks virus to hold off for six weeks so they can get stimulus sorted
The PM said he’d been working incredibly hard — sometimes up to 3 or 4 hours a day.
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National
Queensland’s ‘Smart State’ title revoked for holding election during pandemic
Also it was never true
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National
Morrison decides to use to novelty oversized prop to make people take him more seriously
“Now that he’s used a novelty over-sized prop, I realise the gravity of the situation,” coughed one finance executive.
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National
Family Pet forced to rein in all-day humping now humans are home
FRENCH Bulldog Ignatius III, who had been living a life of hedonistic luxury in his Gold Coast apartment for the past three years, has been suddenly confronted by the need to curb his rampant dry-humping habits now that he has to share his personal space with his family of four. “I didn’t even realise I…
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National
Parliament to close for five months so Morrison can take a well-earned break
“I really need a bit of me time.”
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National
Morrison issues crystal clear guidance: “Stay at home except for the following 500 different things”
An angry Mr Morrison blamed people for being confused.
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National
Minister apologises for failing to anticipate the popularity of free money
“Who knew that Australians would want $750 for free?”
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National
Government unveils plan to confuse people so much they don’t worry about the crisis anymore
“I haven’t felt this serene in weeks.”