General News

Recent polls have shown that 40% of people under 30 haven’t yet returned their survey forms, and that 100% of those are just lazy dipshits like you.

The Prime Minister was seen filling out an application for New Zealand citizenship just minutes ago

“Those are some great odds.”

“From now on I’ll only be spending my money on psychic hotlines.”

“The three were also rumoured to star in a remake of Child’s play”

“It’s important to be able to separate the art from the multiple accusations of rape.”

“Like taking candy from a severely oppressed baby”

Parramatta local, Garry Weakes today voiced his opinion about the irrelevance of women’s sport to fellow patrons at his local pub, whilst avidly watching a re-run of a recent professional darts competition. Weakes, who is an ardent fan of the classic gentleman’s sport, described women’s sport as “like men’s sport lacking all the suspense of wondering…

“It was cowardly and selfish”

He’s reportedly not hungover enough to drink water though