General News

Following his sacking as Deputy Whip for the Labor Party, here is the full transcript that Senator Sam Dastyari released moments ago: 親愛的比爾， 我很抱歉讓你陷入混亂。 它可能會從你的下一個Newspoll點擊幾個點，我知道這是世界上最重要的事情，所以我再次道歉。 讓我解釋我的行為。 你看，我發表了這個演講，然後再以這個真實的信念為藉口發表這樣的演講，內容永遠不會被曝光，而我的拂袖就足以保持懶惰的新聞畫廊的快樂。 我的誠信現在受到質疑，這一事實對我們的情報部門的政治化提出了嚴重的問題。 僅僅因為他們對澳大利亞的忠誠值得懷疑，是否真的是他們的目標？ 是的，但我仍然希望我能擺脫它。 我現在辭去副鞭的職務，每年以20萬美元回到參議員身邊。 哦，唉。 但嚴重 – 這是對手腕的拍擊。 這真的傷了一下。 此致， 薩姆 Translated into English: Dear Bill, I am so sorry for getting you in this mess. It will probably…

“Ah a reductive icon of our colonial past marrying, everything is normal again.”

“World prays for slightly longer range missiles”

“We literally had no way of knowing this would be the outcome”

“The wedding is set to be held on a very very slippery slope”

“Every time someone side swipes your mirrors, that’s ISIS”

Recent polls have shown that 40% of people under 30 haven’t yet returned their survey forms, and that 100% of those are just lazy dipshits like you.

The Prime Minister was seen filling out an application for New Zealand citizenship just minutes ago

“Those are some great odds.”

“From now on I’ll only be spending my money on psychic hotlines.”