General News
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General News QLD Art students realise they studied the wrong Michelangelo“They asked about his mastery of the craft, so I assumed they meant nunchucks.” 
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General News Aussie who doesn’t know if he has a mayor, surprisingly invested in New York mayoral raceToday he has shared 10 posts about the race to his Instagram story for his exclusively non-New Yorker followers to see. 
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General News Toddlers around the world stand up in unison after Cocomelon declares “it’s time to activate”Many of the toddlers reportedly said their first ever words while standing: “Understood master, awaiting mission status” 
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General News Woman raised on Glee still waiting for a partner to do a teary acoustic version of a pop song“I’m not asking for too much from a partner, I mean it doesn’t have to be a Santana or Mercedes level performance.” 
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General News Pauline Hanson slams Woolies’ brown paper bags, demands white ones insteadHer policy gained immediate support from journalists and political staffers across the aisle, until they realised that by ‘white bags’ she doesn’t mean the kind you snort. 
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General News Hungover Brisbane thankful for public holiday“Fuck it’s too bright out, the sun is shining almost as much as our teams.” 
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General News Nation shocked to learn that you can be too Islamophobic for Sky After Dark“I thought Islamophobia was a requirement to work at News Corp?” 
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General News Woman back from three weeks in Italy won’t stop saying “ciao”“She wasn’t there for that long, and I don’t think she knows any other Italian.” said her coworker 
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General News UN banned from working at ABC after using ‘the G-word’“You can’t use that word unless it is balanced with the opinion of someone who thinks killing children is fine.” 
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General News Local man fired for giving barista his name instead of saying ‘My name isn’t important, I mourn Charlie Kirk’“He’s basically celebrating political violence” said tabloid writers