Shocking: Liberal Party election review finds horribly unpopular leader with horribly unpopular policies wasn’t popular

A leaked review into Peter Dutton’s disastrous election defeat has sent shockwaves through the Coalition after it revealed that having a largely despised leader with universally hated policies wasn’t a vote winner.

The report was leaked after initially being withheld from publication when Dutton suggested it could result in a defamation suit, in a move that probably could have been added to the report.

“We were stunned,” said one highly paid Liberal strategist. “We always just assumed people voted for policies that negatively impacted them and for people they couldn’t stand.”

“We thought the cripplingly unpopular policies were probably enough but then Peter came up with the genius idea of making them really expensive too! We couldn’t lose!”

Despite the surprising lack of success with the Liberals’ strategy of doubling down on unpopularity, the Albanese-led Labor Party has sensationally decided to copy it and have already began implementing in time for the next election.