2016
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World
Christmas lunch shortened to five minutes to allow more time for family arguments
“We figured why not just get all the racism done in one hit”
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General News
Santa takes indefinite leave after body shaming by online trolls
“Back in the day he’d get an occasional handwritten complaint from a dissatisfied child, but the internet has changed all that”
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World
Santa relocating to Bangladesh due to melting North Pole, labour laws
“This is an investment in the future – a future with no ice caps.”
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News
Lockout law changes: Mike Baird announces new incremental approach to back-downs
The NSW Premier announced today that he will take an incremental approach to his backdowns from now on.
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National
NSW Premier outlaws coward punching of kangaroos
Shoot them, eat them, but whatever you do – don’t punch them.
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Entertainment
‘First Contact’ viewer shocked to learn racism, Natalie Imbruglia still exist
“This show will surely create the discourse and change that Kevin Rudd’s so-called ‘apology’ failed to achieve. It’s about time!”
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General News
Outrage as Australia Day moved to 28th – “It’s just not the same without the genocide”
“What’s the point of changing the date? It’s not like dates are symbolic reminders of things that happened in the past.”
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World
Tributes flow as the world learns that Fidel Castro wasn’t already dead
The Cuban leader is said to have owed his longevity to a lifetime of smoking
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Entertainment
Kanye West forced to cancel spoken word tour
The artist has come under fire from fans after reports emerged that his fanatical ranting featured too much auto-tune and was frequently interrupted by songs.