Paralympics cancelled after NDIS officials declare none of the athletes are eligible

In disappointing news, the Paralympics have been cancelled just days before the opening ceremony after NDIS officials declared that none of the athletes are eligible.

The officials claim that just because the athletes are all considered to be disabled by medical professionals who say they need the Paralympics in order to compete, that does not mean it’s true.

“It’s far too easy to just get to the Paralympics,” said one official, “just because they competed at the highest level, met the criteria and filled out months worth of paperwork, doesn’t mean they should qualify. For all we know these people could be faking their athleticism.”

“These disabled people just need to prove it. For the Brisbane Paralympics we will introduce a hurdles type race of constant literal hoops to jump through. If people can’t do that, then they don’t qualify. If they can, they clearly aren’t ‘disabled enough’ and also don’t qualify. It’s simple.”

Minister for Pretending to Care About the NDIS, Bill Shorten told reporters that he stands by the decision, “there are a lot of athletes who try to rort the Paralympics system, so this is the only way to save the games.”

“However I do want to clarify that this is not a cut to the Paralympics. This is simply a savings strategy of reducing the amount of money spent on the games by reducing the amount of services provided. A totally different thing to a cut.”