Olympics to ban literally every athlete in order to avoid controversy around competitors with ‘genetic advantages’


Following a controversy after a cisgender woman who has been falsely accused of being transgender beat another cisgender woman at the Olympics, the IOC have decided to ban all athletes in order to avoid future controversies.

This comes as transphobes moved the goal post from demanding that trans woman be banned from sport, to banning any woman who has any sort of genetic advantage to the average woman. This in an alleged attempt to ‘protect women’s sport’ from other women.

“It’s time to make the games fair,” said an IOC spokesperson, “we have listened to the calls to ban those who are genetically gifted and agree. So all athletes are now banned.”

“If we were to just ban the multiple women the media has demanded be banned, we would just be banning Women of Colour, but we think that would be unfair as the white women and all the men competing also have had these so called ‘genetic advantages’.”

“High jumpers with long legs? gone. Swimmers with a swimmer’s body? Not allowed! Basketballers who are above average height? Banned! It’s time to make the games fair once and for all.”

Work has begun to take back all the medals given to athletes who have had ‘unusual bodies’ throughout the years, with an entire crew of movers being sent to Michael Phelps’s house just to remove all his medals.

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