England’s World Cup disaster: star hooligan breaks foot

[Edition 58] CHELSEA, Tuesday: The English World Cup 2002 campaign is in tatters after star hooligan Gerard Wilson of Chelsea broke his foot.

The loss comes at a crucial period for English soccer hooliganism, which faces huge challenges from Germany and is suffering after bans prevented them from training in Europe this season.

The coach of the English hooligans, William Kendall, is frustrated by the disaster. “Earlier in the year we were primed for Japan and Korea when we got the opportunity to practise on some Asians during the Bradfield race riots,” said Kendall. “But injuries and arrests are really cutting into our preparation now.”

Wilson’s injury is a double blow for the team as he is both the captain and the star striker. “Wilson is an amazing striker,” said fellow representative hooligan Kevin Jackson of West Ham. “He can strike with both feet and his head. He’s also pretty handy with a baseball bat.”

The selection of the national team was greatly hindered by the government who banned 1,007 of England’s best hooligans from travelling overseas. “We are really taking a B-Grade team but luckily there is a lot of depth in England,” said Kendall. “These guys don’t have the natural talent but with enough lager under their belt I still think we can win.”

England’s main rival at this year’s World Cup will be Germany, who have managed to incorporate the broader political statement of a return to Nazism into their soccer hooliganism.


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