“Why have no journalists called me?” asks guy whose phone has been off all week

Attorney General and man who at 28 drew a picture of himself as a stick figure with giant genitals, Christian Porter, has today switched his phone back on for the first time in a week, to call journalists and demand to know why they haven’t contacted him. “Journalists have no interest in showing the other side of the story,” said the man with 12,000 unread notifications on his phone. “I mean talk about professionalism. You would at the very least expect a decent journalists to get in contact with my staff who have been stonewalling them all week, in order to find out when is the best time to not contact me.” “It’s completely unacceptable that I have not been given the opportunity to refute the allegations that I still have not read,” said the man given multiple opportunities to speak on the matter in the last week. “But I was never given the chance to dispute the allegations I have not read because journalists refused to call me on my switched off phone.” “Now if anyone wants any further comment, please contact my office, where I will not be because I’m taking leave.” “If any of the female journalists here want my number I would be happy to give it to you over drinks. Why are you all booing?”

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