Gina realises she forgot to buy any ‘not totally fucking deranged’ candidates

Gina Rinehart’s holiday has been interrupted by stress after a flaw in her attempt to control Australian legislature through the One Nation party has become glaringly obvious, the flaw being that all their politicians are totally fucked in the head.

This followed a string controversies for the far-right party including covid conspiracy theories, praise of the White Australia Policy, calls for ‘mass deportation’ and the spread of victim blaming regarding domestic violence victims; all of which have taken place within less than two weeks.

Gina reportedly had her ‘oh shit’ moment when the party had to resort to sending out Barnaby Joyce of all people to try make the party seem more rational, in an interview where he randomly started barking at his dog.

“There’s always that one thing you forget when you go shopping,” she said, “One Nation has a heap of deranged racist freaks, but I forgot I was meant to buy them a sacrificial lamb. Whoops.”

“Do we have anyone normal to clean up this mess? Who can I gift a jet to that is able to spin this as just people expressing concerns and frustrations?”