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‘No’ campaign unveils bold new strategy: sit back and rely on Australia’s 230-year track record

The ‘No’ campaign has unveiled a bold new strategy to counter the upcoming referendum that would recognise Indigenous Australians in the constitution. Instead of bothering to campaign against the change, they’ve decided to sit back and let Australia’s long-running track record of absolutely fucking over Indigenous Australians do its work.

“After hundreds of hours of intense focus groups, thousands of hours of carefully crafting messages,” said the National Director of the ‘No’ campaign, “We’ve come to the conclusion that it was all a huge waste of time and effort.”

“All we have to do is sit back and let Australia do its thing. It’s got a 230-year-long unbroken track record in this department, so we’re quietly confident.”

The head of the ‘No’ campaign said it was a huge relief that they didn’t really need to campaign on the issue. “The messaging was going to be really complicated,” he said. “On the one hand, we’re arguing that Indigenous Australians are in crisis and need things to radically change, but on the other hand, we’re arguing that this proposal would be a radical change to the Constitution, and therefore shouldn’t happen. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Furthermore, we’re arguing that the Indigenous Voice to Parliament would end up becoming part of the Canberra bubble. Which sounds terrible, right? Except, when you think about it, it’s saying that nobody outside the bubble should ever be allowed into the bubble, because then they’d risk becoming part of it. So it’s basically an argument to strengthen the Canberra bubble from outside voices. At a logical level it’s a profoundly stupid argument. So it’s lucky we won’t have to rely on that one.”

The head of the ‘No’ campaign said that he was going to celebrate the strategic breakthrough by cracking open his final block of Coon cheese, and washing it down with some Colonial Beer.

The campaign director denied it was a risky move, and said he consulted widely before making the decision. “I even talked to an Indigenous Elder whose name I can’t remember but I definitely didn’t make him up.”

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