Media demands Victoria get Covid again so they can keep downplaying NSW’s fuck-ups

Journalists around the nation have expressed anger after devious Dan Andrews launched a direct attack on press freedom by restricting the free movement of the coronavirus in Victoria. Media personalities have begun demanding the Victorian Government immediately ship in Covid from Sydney to allow the media to go back to using Melbourne as a way to downplay the NSW Government’s fuck-ups. “Premier Andrews why are you not allowing Covid to come here from Sydney?” slammed one journalist at a presser earlier today. “This is a direct blow to balanced journalism in this country,” said a journalist we spoke to following the presser, “it should be of major concern to all Aussies.” “I can’t just say one government was strong in one area of lockdown but imperfect in aspects, and that the other has screwed up lockdown completely. There’s no click bait in that. Where is the anger fuel? Where is the divisiveness this country needs? I need to bait the public into hating me so I can boost my portfolio by pretending all criticism is bigoted death threats!” Daniel Andrews was adamant that he would not be importing Covid from Sydney but that Sky News was welcome to taking pot shots at him because their ratings were so low he just felt sorry for the Sydney-based taxpayer-funded broadcaster for retired angry white people.

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