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KFC customer unsure if diarrhea is Covid-19 or just the chicken

As the Coronavirus pushes into a second wave after we seemingly farewelled the virus in the same way John Farnum farewells the music industry, many local customers of international fast-food chain KFC have become concerned of the media coverage of people still purchasing it despite the pandemic. This means when they also buy it they could get sick to ‘no fault of their own’, well of course, on top of the already existing risks associated with eating from KFC.

“They say it’s finger licking good, but that sounds like a sure-fire way to spread the disease,” said James, a local customer. “I am here because I am hungry, but look how many people are out here. Don’t they know there is a virus going around? Also, why are none of these people wearing a mask, it’s unhygienic. Me, I don’t need one though, it’s not like I live in America.”

We spoke to James the next day and he seemed even more concerned than before, “I don’t know what’s going on, is this what it feels like to die? Was it the chicken or the virus? The uncertainty is driving me crazy, I mean that and my stomach, but mainly the uncertainty. My girlfriend thinks I am being over-dramatic, she says I’m a hypochondriac but surely, I can’t be because then anytime I get scared about being sick I would think I was suffering from hypochondria. I wish I didn’t eat the chicken, I just wish I knew how pink is too pink, everyone else seems to know but I always just guess that it will be fine but what if it was too pink?”

Asked for comment, health authorities say that John is almost certainly going to die. “We already don’t recommend eating KFC or any other unhealthy fast food and just like with coronavirus you didn’t listen to us then either, so you know what screw it, eat all the unhealthy food you want. At least that way you will be stuck in your bathrooms and won’t be able to spread Covid anymore.”



WRITTEN BY

twitter: @thebigjohnnyd

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