National
“I will cut wasteful spending,” says bloke who wants to shout businesses for long lunches
Posted
by

Nosferatu cosplayer Peter Dutton has vowed that if elected he will cut “wasteful” government spending on services he deems unessential, like the NDIS, and anything helping people who aren’t white.
Simultaneously, he’s pledged a much-needed cost-of-living package to Aussie battlers, in the form of a $20K tax-free lunch for businesses.
“Many CEOs around the country have been forced to lay off staff just to afford their daily wagyu steak,” Dutton said between sobs, “with this policy, everyday Australians can be assured that their bosses won’t go home hungry.”
The tax-free lunch policy will cover both food and entertainment at business lunches, which has been applauded by men in Tarocash suits across the country.
“I’ve never had a lunch where a client didn’t want entertainment afterward,” said a Channel Seven producer.
“I can attest to that,” said one particularly litigious former Liberal staffer.
Detailed man that he is, Dutton explained the policy will help business owners battle the rising costs of lobster, truffle and caviar; but will avoid potato based dishes.