The Doritos corporation has today announced that they will be phasing out the three remaining chips per bag of their product, citing consumer demand.
“Following a recent survey of our Sydney based market, we were surprised to learn customers were complaining there are too many chips in their bags of air,” announced Doritos CEO John Chip today. “Turns out we are actually one of the leading sources of fresh air in Sydney these days, which is why we are also excited to announce our latest promotion offering a free facemask in every packet.”
Other companies have also reportedly jumped on board, offering to provide relief to Sydney’s residents, with the Blackmores corporation and Weight Watchers Cereal Nut Bars department also offering to increase their air to product ratio to help Sydneysiders breathe. “We always have our customer in mind when we shrink the amount of product while keeping the packaging the same.” said a proud representative for Kellogs. “You all thought we were just ripping you off by keeping prices the same while reducing product size, but now the apocalypse is here, our secret world saving plan has been revealed. You all owe us an apology!”
The Chaser Quarterly