‘Channel 9 was mean to me’ cries PM who locked up children on an island prison

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has slammed Channel 9 news today, claiming that the organisation which spent a day following him around Melbourne as he got a haircut and went to a bbq is too tough on him. The statement came after the PM demanded a meeting with the boss of Channel 9, in his office which has a trophy celebrating his efforts ‘stopping the boats’. The PM who was reportedly ‘grumpy’ about his the constant ‘critical coverage’ he receives due to his constant incompetence was finally calmed down, after one of his staffers decided to bring him a juicy box which they took from one of the children on Christmas Island. “Channel 9 are a bunch of meanies!” cried the PM. “I tell one lie, and they start calling me names like ‘liar’ and ‘untrustworthy’. Bullies.” “I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. Where is their dignity? This is cruel and unusual punishment. I did nothing wrong. They are treating me like a child, better yet a child refugee. Just painting me out to be some sort of monster for no reason!” “Now I am trapped here in a constant bad place just because they hate me. Do they not realise I am a human being? What is wrong with this country?”

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