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Betting opens on which horse will die first in Melbourne Cup

Never one to miss out on an opportunity, Tom Waterhouse has opened a new betting market on which horse will die first in the 2019 Melbourne Cup, following the carnage at previous years races that has seen six horses put down on the track in the last ten years.

“I know what punters want – that’s why I took my face out of my own ads,” says Waterhouse, “and we’ve seen that punters want more choice. This is a breakthrough in exploiting gambling addicts.”

Titled ‘Dead Last’, the new market is being billed by TomWaterhouse.com as “the bloodsport of kings”.

However many have criticised the obnoxious bookmaker, with one animal rights activist saying the betting company couldn’t sink any lower. Waterhouse rejected the assertion, stating “I don’t think I have sunk to my lowest, in fact I’m about to launch a new betting market ‘Can Tom Waterhouse sink any lower?’ and I’m betting big dollars that I can.”



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