Albo outflanks Dutton by bullying Muslim woman

Prime Minister and career politician Anthony Albanese has shown his political prowess a year out from the next election by outflanking Peter Dutton using the opposition leader’s own game: horribly treating a female Muslim former-refugee

“When we bragged that having a woman in a hijab in the senate as a win for diversity, this is not what we meant,” said Albanese, “diversity is at it’s strongest when the diverse voices just do whatever I say.”

“Here at the Labor Party want Muslims, women and refugees to know that we want to hear your voices and uplift you, until the moment that you step out of line then I will crush you like a bug. But if you don’t do that we will be so proud of you and your contribution to my future… I mean the country’s future.”

“This has been an emotional week for me. See, growing up, my mother never had the chance to publicly shun a Muslim refugee, spread unfounded rumours about her and have the dirt unit send the media info to smear her into silence. It just shows how far I’ve come.”

In response Dutton has accused Albanese of being too harsh to Payman, while also accusing the Prime Minister of not being harsh enough. Explaining to the media that he will stand by both contradictory positions and encourages media outlets to just pick whichever position would sound better to their specific audiences.