ABC moves to Cayman Islands to attract more government funding

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation has historically been owned and operated within Australia (hence the name). However due to budgetary restrictions and the threat of privatisation looming, the network has announced plans to move to the Cayman Islands in a bid to entice more funding from the Federal Government, in a move that was inspired by the water company co-founded by Energy Minister and ‘not at all shady bloke’ Angus Taylor. “It was the clear choice,” explained a spokesperson for the broadcaster. “We knew we needed money and we knew the way we have been doing things for decades isn’t enough for this government. The government loves to work with their mates, and where do you find these mates? Tax havens. At this point in time we have no plans of tax avoidance but if that’s what it will take for this government to like us, we will reassess this policy.” “We have always found Angus Taylor inspiring,” they added. “We wanted to follow in his footsteps in any way we can. Sadly, our journalistic integrity bars us from using allegedly forged documents and unlike Big Angus T, the AFP would probably investigate us if allegations were to arise. We have had enough issues with them lately.” “When we saw the recent news that the government is giving the EAA even more money we knew we had made the right call. If they gave them more money just imagine how much funding we would get, especially since we will actually deliver the product the nation requires and do so in a timely and cost-effective manner.” In response to this announcement Angus Taylor has expressed some concerns, “The government should not be working with groups set up in tax havens that aren’t associated to me and my Oxford rowing buddies,” he complained. “If they keep this up people are going to start losing trust in government institutions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a secret Cayman Islands company I have to transfer $10 million to.”

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