General News
Awkward: Local man actually was there to fuck spiders

Local man Tim Johnson has left a group of people feeling really awkward after it turns out there was a miscommunication and he was in fact there to fuck a spider.

“Of course this happens to me,” said Jones, “it’s so embarrassing. They started talking about helping Dave move out of his apartment and he was like, ‘well we aren’t here to fuck spiders’ and I thought he was joking and pulled out my spider ready to fuck it.”

“Turns out he was serious and every is acting like I’m the crazy one for assuming that what he needed a hand with was a big group orgy where we all fuck spiders. I mean what kind of freak asks their mates to help them move?”

“It could have been worse,” said Dave, “at least I didn’t say ‘alright let’s get started’ cause who knows what he would have done in front of us. I don’t need to see his webbing.”

Johnson has managed to find someone to defend him though. “These mix ups are far more common than people think,” said the man who coined the phrase ‘screwing the pooch’.

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