Sport Archive
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Sport Archive
The Chaser’s Socceroos Drinking Game
To promote responsible drinking, for this year’s World Cup in South Africa, we are pleased to offer you two levels of drinking game. Please choose whichever best matches your intended level of inebriation. Here are some guidelines to help you choose the appropriate level for you! HEAVY: I am an alcoholic. I use soccer as…
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Sport Archive
Andrew Johns soils Rugby League’s untarnished image
Rugby League fans were shocked this week, by the unbelievable revelation that an overpaid, understimulated sportsman with plenty of free time had experimented with drugs. "I can’t believe it," said Newcastle Knights fan Bill Adams. "Who would’ve thought a footballer would be anything but a moral paragon?"
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Sport Archive
Iraq win Asian Cup: celebratory gunfire to continue indefinitely
“No team has more experience with shootouts”
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Sport Archive
Thorpe makes plans for Beijing Olympics: buys new couch
Ian Thorpe announced today that he would be retiring from competitive swimming. The news was greeted with immense disappointment in the Australian swimming world, especially as Thorpe offered his position to Craig Stevens. Speaking at a press conference, the former world champion acknowledged that he was struggling for motivation and said he wanted to spend…
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Sport Archive
Aussie cyclists silence critics with suspiciously strong Games performance
[Edition 89] “This amazing performance will silence all of those who’ve questioned whether we took illegal substances,” said one cyclist. “Now they’ll be in no doubt that we did.”
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Sport Archive
Al Qaeda planning token, feel-good attack on Paralympics
[Edition 89] “We normally leave attacks on people in wheelchairs to the Israelis, but it is for a good cause,” Al-Qaeda spokesman Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said. “We hope to inspire differently-abled people everywhere with the thought that despite their challenges, they too have the opportunity to be killed in a world-class terrorist attack.”
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Sport Archive
IOC finds Al Qaeda more prepared for Olympics than Athens
[Edition 87] An investigation by the International Olympic Committee has discovered that the Athens organisers are lagging well behind the Al Qaeda network in preparing for the Games this August.
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Sport Archive
Bradbury inspires Aussie athletes to stop trying in bid for gold
[Edition 52] SALT LAKE CITY, Monday: Following the miraculous victory of speed skater Stephen Bradbury in the 1000m race in Salt Lake City, a number of other Australian athletes are set to adopt a similarly lackadaisical approach to their events.