Advice
Many people struggle to make an impact in their office, but there is one sure fire way to make sure you are remembered: doing a giant fart in the elevator.
While any novice can fart in an elevator, if you can absolutely rip ass, you can leave an impression with sound that shocks those on the ride with you, and a smell that may cause them to projectile vomit. Two reactions that would be memorable.
PREPERATIONS:
If you are going to use this approach, you want to prepare before hand. Have something like beans for breakfast, anything that really irritates the bowels. If you are lactose intolerant, use that to your advantage by downing a few full cream milk coffees. The discomfort will only be temporary, but the moment will be talked about for a lifetime.
Also, make sure to dress appropriately. The goal is to hard as strong as humanly possible, so if you are wearing a dress you are running a risk of the air bouncing back up and Marilyn Monroeing.
Which while looking fabulous, could lead to you flashing a co-worker, and that is not the kind of impression you want to be leaving. And would also be a very weird meeting with HR.
THE BIG MOMENT:
You’re all dressed up and gassed up for the time to shine. What now? Well first you want to make sure you have an audience, letting off a ground shaking toot wont matter if no-one can see it.
So just hang around the elevators pretending to tie your shoelaces until you see a big group of people, preferably one with your boss in it. No point showing off that thunderous fart if your boss isn’t there to question their life choices.
Next, once you are in the ride, make sure there is a few stops, enough time to give your audience enough time to soak in the sensory experience of their life. Then have at it, let the tension go and absolutely rip ass.
Make it as loud and smelly as possible, you only get one shot at this because anything more and you might just shit your pants. So you don’t want to waste it on a silent but deadly or loud but safe.
THE AFTERMATH:
Once the echo from the fart ends, pretend to be surprised!
If you look like you planned that out, everyone will think you are some sort of freak, but if you look as surprised as they are, they wont suspect a thing.
If things go badly, make sure to deny it. The only way to make it even more memorable is if you throw out the classic ‘whoever smelt it delt it’. It will show those around you that you understand how the world really works.
And there you go, you have made an impact and a workplace memory no one will forget. For the low price of your sense of smell and probably one pair of underwear.
