Luis Rubiales announced as Trump’s new Secretary of Sport

Following confirmation that a rich guy in power sexually assaulted a woman in 2023, former Spanish football chief Luis Rubiales has promptly been appointed to the newly created position of ‘Secretary of non-woke sports’ by US ‘Pussy Grabber’ Donald Trump.

“He’s perfect for us,” said Trump, “to do what he did, and be confident enough to do it in front of millions of people. What a guy.”

“That man is a go getter, he knows what he wants and he has the initiative to pre-emptively try to silence any woman who stands against him. That’s the kind of people we need.”

Rubiales new position involves ensuring sports funding only goes to white male athletes, making sure women’s sports uniforms were ‘more fun’ and ensuring 10 trans athletes lives get even worse, no matter the expense.