Democrats vow to enlist even more celebrities in 2028

The Democrat Party have announced that they have ‘learned the lesson’ of this year’s campaign loss and vowed to enlist even more celebrities next time.

“This year we understand we failed to connect with many voters,” said Harris, “that is why we will dig down and door knock at the houses of every person with over a million Instagram followers.”

“This year we were too narrow minded with our search, we only got Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Eminem, George Clooney, Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Ariana Grande, Charli xcx, Dick Van Dyke, Harrison Ford, Most the Avengers, Cardi B, Lebron James, Jennifer Anniston, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin, Anne Hathaway, Bruce Springsteen, Jennifer Lawrence, Billie Eilish, Martha Stewart, Steph Curry and Oprah. That is barely enough people to fill a bus.”

“I mean we even got Katy Perry and she traditionally works more with men like Trump.”

“We completely missed opportunities to work with Pesto the Penguin, Elvis’ ghost, The Rizzler, and Russel Coight; no wonder working class voters felt like we weren’t focused on them.”

“We will work with everyone next time, except for Moo Deng. That little shit picked it’s side.”

If we can get 100 million celebrity endorsements, we think we would have a pretty good shot at winning.”