Country that can understand “Yeah nah yeah nah yeah” can’t tell if Trump will tariff them

The search is on to find anyone in Australia who can make sense of Donald Trump’s tariff threats, after his language and mental gymnastics left our brightest minds stumped.

For a country that prides itself on understanding phrases like “Yeah nah yeah nah yeah” and “If you have a go, you’ll get a go”, being outwitted by Trump’s use of double-negative-backflip-ception has become a source of deep national shame.

“When he said there’d be no exceptions on what countries get tariffed, I was like ‘Yeah nah,” said one US correspondent, “and then when he said that he’d consider not tariffing Australia, I was like ‘Yeah nah yeah’, so that still followed.”

“But then he said there’d be still no exemptions for anyone, and that’s when my brain did that thing that Kyle Sandilands’ brain did.”

As economists and linguists alike are frantically trying to determine what this could mean for Australia’s future, some have turned to an unlikely saviour: Pauline Hanson.

Fluent in three languages — English, Australian, and racist — Hanson was able to shed light onto Trump’s plans for Australia’s exports.

“See, Trump hasn’t flip-flopped,” Hanson explained. “He said no originally, then he said yes, then he said maybe no and he’s stuck to it.” 

So to recap: Yeah nah, yeah yeah nah, yeah nah nah nah, shit’s buggered, yeah. Nah.