evergreen
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General News
Female ad exec brought out to defend sexist ad
Thirty-one-year-old account manager Jana Verkovic has been given a rare public role defending her company, cutting-edge advertising agency Fresh Juice, against allegations of sexism. After a billboard ad depicting two scantily-clad models lapping from a bowl of milk under the caption “Drink Milk” attracted a record number of complaints, Verkovic appeared on ABC radio to…
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General News
McDonald’s worker tries to “gangsta up” his uniform
Sixteen year-old Dapto hoodlum Brett Waterton has slowly customised his standard McDonald’s uniform to reflect American hip-hop culture. Working within the constraints of the strict employee code of conduct, Waterton has nevertheless added what he describes as “flava” to the staff garb. While his workmates choose to wear the durable, stain resistant pants in a size comfortable for them,…
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Entertainment Archive
Dan Brown asks plagiarism accusers if they’ve got any ideas for a sequel
Da Vinci Code novelist Dan Brown has asked the writers of Holy Blood, Holy Grail whether they have any other far-fetched conspiracy theories that could be used for the sequel to his best-selling novel. “I’m looking for something involving the pyramids, the Masons, and the UN, but I’ll rip off any half-baked conspiracy theory I…
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General News
“Hare Hare, Hare Krishna” still top of Hare Krishna music charts
The hit song “Hare Hare, Hare Krishna” entered its 1,974th week in the Number One position on the Hare Krishna Top 40 this week, setting a record that the Hare Krishna Musical Association (HKMA) says may never be beaten. “When we first started this chart more than thirty years ago, ‘Hare Hare’ was number one…
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World
Failed suicide bomber jailed: placed on suicide watch
Jordanian authorities fear that failed suicide bomber Sajida Mubarak al-Rishawi, who was taken into custody this week, may try, but fail, to harm herself in prison. “We’re very concerned for her safety,” a Jordanian prison official explained. “Much more concerned than she is in fact.” Rishawi will be kept under 24 hour observation in an…
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General News
Man quits smoking his own cigarettes
High taxes have successfully dissuaded Darren from smoking his own durries.
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General News
Pro-family groups worried as gay divorce rates soar
Social conservatives opposed to gay unions have called on homosexuals experiencing marital difficulties to stay together in a bid to stem alarming increases in the rate of gay family breakdown. Anti-liberal group Focus on the Family today released research which shows that gay divorce rates have soared since the ban on gay marriage ended.
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General News
Latin dance class entirely comprised of desperate singles
[Edition 75] ADELAIDE, Saturday – Latin dance instructor Jose Barretto was disappointed to learn that his 8pm Tuesday class had only a fleeting interest in the infectious rhythms of South America and the Caribbean. “Rather than a way to expand their cultural horizons, increase fitness and have fun, the class instead sees it as a…
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General News
Man unsure where to pee in trendy restaurant bathroom
He also reportedly struggled to operate the hand basin, which had no visible taps or faucets
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National
Psychiatric patient successfully reintegrated into homeless community
[Edition 57] MELBOURNE, Tuesday: Australia’s mental institutions have achieved an almost 100% success rate in their program to reintegrate its patients back into the homeless community. The news comes as a relief to psychiatric support groups who were concerned about the effect increased funding cuts were having on psychiatric care. “With relatively little assistance, most…