chaser
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General News
Morrison wishes people understood how stressful it is to be the Finance Minister, Home Affairs Minister, Minister for Social Services and Health Minister
Former Ministers Scott Morrison has called for sympathy for mental health issues after revealing all the lies he told as PM gave him anxiety. “Mental health is so important if you’re white,” he stated solemnly at a press conference. “Anyone you know could secretly be five cabinet ministers and that sort of thing takes a…
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Podcasts
The Chaser Report – Episode 5 – Party Time! (With 10 or Fewer People)
Who should you invite to your first dinner party as the lockdown restrictions ease? Dom takes a probing look at the man behind the anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne. Plus, Charles examines the delicate art of winning an argument with your partner while in lockdown. All that, plus the latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unanumo…
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World
“Refugees are going to take my job,” claims unemployed man
Local man Gareth Jones has voiced his outrage in his local pub that “Refugees are going to take my job. That’s it for me my careers well and truly done.” Jones had been talking about becoming an architect for several decades now, but has decided instead to double down on his current occupation of yelling…
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General News
Linguistics Professor googles the definition of irony
A top linguistics professor at Harvard University, David Campbell, did a web search for the “definition of irony” this morning, and then immediately collapsed from the sheer irony of the situation. His co-workers are now reporting that Campbell was last seen “Wandering around the campus looking like he just saw a ghost.” Campbell looked up the definition after one of his…
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National
Census reveals Dutton answered ‘amphibian’ to question on gender
Hackers last night released Peter Dutton’s Census answers, which revealed that he answered “Cold-Blooded Amphibian” to a question regarding his gender. Several complementary sources have already come forward confirming that he is of Amphibian origin. One insider said that Mr Dutton “keeps a large blow up pool in his office at all times and he’s sometimes seen…
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General News
Flatmates of ‘hilarious’ stoner student hope he moves out before he spirals into depression
A philosophy student at Melbourne University has decided to complete his Honour’s year while stoned.
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General News
Earring ruins Doctor’s credibility
“I’d be worried about his ability to make sound judgements with a look so clearly inspired by 90s boybands.”