PM urges Socceroos to score as many own goals against America as possible

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has released a message cheering on the Socceroos, while also urging the players to score as many own goals as possible against the US.

“We are all huge fans of you boys,” said Albanese while trying to read the jersey his staffers gave him so he can know the team’s name.

“Get out there and score as many goals as you can for them. Trust me, it’s the best way to take on the yanks.”

“Also give them your water during the hydration break, sing their national anthem, lead a ‘USA USA USA’ chant, and maybe kiss Trump’s feet if he’s there.”

The PM also clarified that under the AUKUS deal, the defensive capabilities of Patrick Beach will actually be under the command of the US, who can replace him with a cheaper and worse player if they want use him instead.