Linda Reynolds announces resignation, to spend more time on defamation suits

Senator for high profile men Linda Reynolds announced today that she will be exercising her right to disconnect from her office in 2025.

“I have loved the opportunity my role has come with,” said Reynolds, “I’ve had a 40-year career of covering up rape allegations, blocking aid for asylum seekers, demonising those on the NDIS and being the woman the LNP can roll out whenever the word sexism is mentioned.”

“However, I think it’s time I step back. I need to relax and focus on what makes me happy, sending defamation threats over Instagram Stories.”

“It has become a hobby that is near and dear to my heart, which I have gotten quite good at. I mean not many people would think to try get someone’s assets frozen the moment they move overseas again over a couple social media posts.”

“So I’m going to do what any honourable politician would do and am going to phone it in for the next 18 months on my full taxpayer funded pay of over $200k a year before leaving with no consequences whatsoever.’

In response to the news coming out, Senator Reynolds has announced she will be taking a few months of paid stress leave over the impact it will have on her lack of a heart.

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