Labor upholds tradition by sabotaging themselves months before an ‘unloseable’ election

The Australian Labor party have reaffirmed their commitment to absolutely shitting the bed less than a year from a seemingly ‘unloseable’ federal election.

“Everything’s going fine!” shouted Anthony Albanese over the sound of three separate protests at parliament.

“I understand that people have criticisms of our party recently, although luckily one of our senators decided to actually show some backbone. But don’t worry we jumped at the chance to alienate her, alongside any potential Muslims, women and people who are pro-Palestine who agrees with her!”

“My mum always taught me while she was growing up in public housing, to let them think they won! Then to let them win because having a spine to do stuff is scary and much harder than being in opposition saying you would do things differently.”

Insiders for the opposition indicate that a maniacal laughter can be heard from inside the party room HQ where Peter Dutton has called for an extra feeding to celebrate while giving the LNP dirt unit the night off, “Labor are doing it to themselves anyway.”